little sister

konbanwa mina-san!

seperti yang diperkatakan. starting from now tuan puteri will be blogging through new blog >>

http://rysaash.blogspot.my/

kelahiran adik perempuan ini adelah untuk menunjukkan kepada anda semua sisi dan diri dan kehidupan baru seorang puteri bernama Risa.

okeh tu jew. bye. jumpa di blog hadek yek.

WHEN I SAY IT'S OVER BETWEEN HIM AND I

ohoy!!! konnichiwa minna!!!!
ni pehal laks si princess ni tetibe cakap jepun laks??

hohohohhhhh... ape salahnye kan???
lame dah tak datang sini...
hmm... banyak yang dah terjadik...
since last entry.
so many things happens, occurred... to me especially.

semenjak dua menjak ni i asek emo jek...
tak tau nape..
sume tak kene.
tu tak kene. ni tak kene.
pastu rase cam nak lempang orang jek...
isshhhhh!!! hati ni panas jek...
ntah lah...
i'm feeling more lonely.
like i'm slowly fading away.
or rather people around me fading away...

oh ye.
last time. erm... bile i pon tak hengat tapi bulan ni gak.
FINALLY I'VE SAID IT.
I CONFESSED TO HIM.
I TOLD HIM EVERYTHING ABOUT WHAT I FEEL (ISSIT? OR THERE'S MORE?)
WHO?
well, kalau uols alert pasal i, uols akan tau secara otomatiknye sape.
yes. you're right. HIM.
uols leh rujuk entry-entry i yang lepas-lepas untuk keterangan lanjut.
*susah sangat rujuk tags untuk entry nih. senang kan?*
ape yang i cakap kat dia?
ermm... macam-macam gak...
erm... i rase i tak leh nak gi tau sebab THIS IS BETWEEN ME AND HIM.
tapi rasenye cam i mintak putus ngan dia.
*perghhh.... bukannye couple betul pon!*
nape i buat camtu?
sebab... sebab...
i pon tak tau nape...
but the most important thing is
I KENE BAGITAU DIA APE YANG I RASE SELAMA NI.
i cam dah rase terbeban sangat selagi i tak cakap dengan dia.
KALAU BOLEH I NAK CAKAP DIRECT JEK TAPI CAM LAH BOLEH KAN?
or.. should i send him a letter?
so dia boleh paham dengan lebih lanjut?
lagi pon , i gi tau dalam twitter.
ntah dia bace ntah tidak.
KALAU DIA BACE, I FEEL RELIEVED. SEBAB MEMANG I NAK DIA BACE.
KALAU DIA IGNORE....
MEMANG @!#$%^&*&^%$#@! SEBAB HE SHOULD AND MUST READ IT.
TAPI.. TAK PE LAH...
if he didn't read it...
lagi pon i dah tak kisah dah pasal dia.
lantak pi la dia nak wat pa.
i don't want to get involved, associated or even in touch with him.
*pffttttt princess ni marah ka pa?*
no... not marah... well, maybe... but...
how to put this?
i sendiri tak tau camna nak eksplen.
abih ayat dah nak kata.
YES I STILL FOLLOW HIM ON TWITTER.
AND TIPU LAH LAU I CAKAP I TAK STALK TWITTER DIA.
AND I STILL HAVEN'T REMOVED HIM FROM MY PRIVATE TWITTER LIST.
IN FACT, DIA SORANG JA YANG I WAT LIST KAT TWITTER.
uols see, how f***king special mamat sorang nih?
and nape i dok cerita panjang lebaq pasai dia kat sini?

because... he still unable to be deleted completely from my life.
i nak jek tulih kat sini yang dia nih *beep*...
yang dia nih *beep*...
yang i *beep* dia...
yang... banyak lagi lah...
ha... tang *beep tu bukan mencarut tau...
just the words are quite harsh to be written here.
but yes, i write that to him.
and kat dunia ni hanya sorang ja i bagi tau apa yang i cakap kat mamat tu dalam twitter.
she's totally understandable... and in fact, she's the first person i ever talked to in twitter.
i banyak cakap ngan dia especially about that guy. our private convo in twitter... only us girls know.
if uols terase nape i tak share ngan uols, gomenne...
i nih jenis yang private and i'm a chooser.
i sendiri cakap ye yang i ni pemilih. i pilih sape yang worth knowing my secrets.
not everyone can know. eventhough that person is super close with me.
and not all worth my trust.
i can trust people. but i never trust any of them 100%.
even my own parents.
TAPI I TRUST ALLAH 100%.
and i think ape yang i buat nih walaupun i dummo if it's 100% correct but i feel more options are coming.
sejak i decided to forget him (well maybe not completely) i feel more... consistent?
i dapat focus kat work i. i rase cam tak terbeban dah kepala hotak nih..
i feel more organized.
tu pasai lah i lama tak mai sini. sebab i telah membusy kan diri i ngan work sampai la ni i dah tak tau nak wat pa sebab most work i dah settle \(^0^)/
if not... dalam pala otak nih tak dak benda lain nak pikir. asek mamat tu dok bersarang.
langsung tak leh nak konsentret!
pastu malam tadi...
i decided tuk buang sume gambaq-gambaq and video pasai dia dalam phone i.
sebab lau ada, i mesti rase sebak, nak nangis pastu mula la ilang arah, ilang fokus, ilang punca...
cam-cam lagi yang ilang...
i dah tak dengaq lagu dia dah. sora dia. muka dia adelah gak kenkadang i tengok. sebab dia ade tweet gambaq dia.
ha ye.
dia nak mai bulan depan.
tapi i tak pi.
wat pa? bazir duit and masa.
*sorry uols if my words are bit harsh. i'm pointing my opinions*
duit yang beratus tu baik i belanja shopping. like two days ago.
i berjaya *hohhohohhhh* beli sebuah beg kaler pink.
bagusnye ade kaler itam atau merah tapi tak dak pulak. orz
lagi pon i tak kisah la dia nak mai, tak mai.. lantak pi lah.
i know my dongsaeng nak sangat pi. and i penah janji ngan dia nak pi sama but JinAh dear, i'm so sorry.
i can't. i just can't.  *bows*
dah lah..
lagi i cerita pasai dia, lagi tak keruan i.
kang i jadik gila, masuk permai memang i nak saman dia.
*mentang-mentang lah hospital permai tu dekat ngan umah i!*

erm.. tu jek lah kot.
OK. BYES. XOXO
ah ye.
pas ni call i Risa yek. jangan lupe.
*cam japanese sket! hohohohhhh (^0^)/ *
Ija pon leh gak. memang tu nick name i.
but i just wanted to start fresh.
even twitter i pon i dah ubah username i.
takde dah nak menyangkutkan name dia ngan i dah.
cukup-cukup lah tu.
aishhh...
ok lah.
BYE-BYE ♥♥;

confession of a broken heart.

WARNING: YOU ALL JANGAN TERGEZUT BACE POST NI. I MEMANG NAK CONFESS.
TAGS: PEOPLE RELATED TO MY CONFESSIONS.


lame giler i tak datang sini.
bukan ape. lately, i memang sebok sesangat.
keje kat opis tu cam tak abis jek...
semak lak mate ni...
ok. like the title said, i nak confess.
*muka ketat*
i TELAH pon retire dari jadik kpop fangirl.
*ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh???????????*
ye ye. uols.
ape yang uols bace tadi terSANGAT-SANGAT lah betul.
*wae wae waeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee????????????*
this is because i dah kembali ke arah music yang selame ni i dok dengar.
selame SETAHUN i sumbatkan telinga i nih dengan lagu-lagu kpop.
uols tengok i nampak cam enjoys jek.
but the truth is, i don't.
i was struggling to make myself excepting kpop songs.
ade few songs yang i leh terima. but mostly NOT ACCEPTABLE.
most songs are from FT Island.
tu pon sebab diorang band. not group.
but honestly speaking like from the bottom of my heart, i began to loose faith in FT Island.
I DON'T KNOW WHY AND I DON'T KNOW HOW.
maybe sebab my heart was craving something more.
maybe sebab my heart was screaming for something more.
dulu, i hanye listen to rock music.
yang jenis menjerit separuh mati sampai nak terkeluar anak tekak tu.
uols tau kan what type of rock music???
i akan dengar lagu-lagu pop bile bosan.
pastu i dengar balik lagu rock.
tapi dulu i dengar english rock.
MCR, Good Charlotte, Linkin Park, Evanescence, Simple Plan, Sum 41, Blink 182, Pretty Reckless and a lot more yang i dah lupe name-name dey all.
*cakap pasal MCR, sume lagu dey all i hafal.*
i dah lupe pon sebab dah setahun i tak dengar dey all.
i ni jenis pelupa. memang lah tersangat retard i nih.
oh ye. i pernah cakap yang i benci kpop and kpop nih ntah pape.
tapi i tak ingat kat ne and pada sape.
tapi i suke nengok drama korea. fufufu~
tuuuuuuuuuuuuu jek bab korea yang i suke selain fashion dey all.
bab music memang i 100% boh-layan.
tapi tu dulu. sekarang i dah boleh terima.
sikit jek lah. yang telinga ni kate ok, i dengar.
lau tak, sorry....
now i minat dengar jrock pulaks. especially visual kei.
dulu i tak suke visual kei. sebab i rase diorang cam freaks.
especially fashion they all.
but after i studied fashion, i found out that fashion is so various and wide and unique.
then i mula suke kat weird fashions like japanese street styles, lolitas, gothic lolitas.
dulu i dengar gak jrock but disebabkan source to listen jrock dulu tak de, so agak terbatas sikit acknowledgement i pasal jrock.
kat local radio mane ade orang putar lagu jrock?
only thru internet. dulu i mane lah ade internet-internet nih...
i dulu buta IT. satu hapa pon tak tau. computer pon tak de tau.
so dari kecik lagi i dengar english radio jek.
mane dengar radio malay...
*i cakap no class. hohoho~~ sorry..*
so sekarang nih i i found something i should like lame dulu.
nape lah kat mesia nih tak de radio khas bukak lagu jrock/visual kei?
erm... if uols tau ade, inform lah pade i.
leh kite sesame meriahkan jrock/visual kei scene and spazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz~~
fufufu~~


ok. uols ade bace yang i loose faith on FTIsland, right?
Actually, it's more like losing faith on him.
that guy yang i dok puja-puja separuh mati.
i tak moh citer why. uols nak tau, we can do private messages.
this is not something i want to talk publicly.
i dah penat dah pasal dia nih. TOTALLY BEATED.
one of my lovely sis kt FB ade tanye i pasal ni and i let it out.
but not all. sebab i tak sanggup.
nak citer pasal tu pon i dah rase sebak.
TRULY APOLOGIZES FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.
and i dah lame tak dengar lagu FTIsland.
like SERIOUSLY.
i langsung tak tau ape dah jadik kat dey all, langsung tak alert.
because right now i am catching up with WHAT I HAVE LEFT BEFORE I ENTERED KPOP WORLD.
and there's a gathering for FT Island fans bulan ni.
invitation from my dongsaeng, Jin Ah.
I was attending it but now, i tarik diri.
wae?
I GOT MY OWN REASON. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH OTHER PRIS (or maybe? i dunno)
BUT I DON'T THINK I'M SUITABLE TO BE IN THE CROWD.
I DON'T BELONG THERE ANYMORE.
I'M NOT A HARDCORE PRIMADONNA I USED TO.
OR I THINK I WAS.
I HOPE UOLS UNDERSTAND. 
I MINTAK MAAF BEBANYAK SEBAB BANYAK MENYUSAHKAN UOLS.
BUT I THINK IT'S BETTER NOW THAN LATER.


DAKARA...
i nak apologizes kat sume kpop friends i esp kat FB and Twitter.
i tak nak tipu diri i yang i suke giler vavi kat kpop padahal, tak bape suke dah.
(ok maybe just few jek yang i suke but maybe not as before)
AND I TAK NAK TIPU KAT UOLS AND PRETEND WE CAN GET ALONG VERY WELL.
in terms of kpop that is.
i kenal ramai friends thru kpop.
that's one GREAT thing about kpop. i WONT deny it.
but this is somehow has becoming like a HUGE burden for me.
i can't split myself into two different person.
oh, ni Ija yang suke kpop. pastu ni Ija yang suke slain kpop.
NO!
and if uols cakap, why not mix it all together?
i'm so so sorry my darlings. that's not gonna happen.
so pade uols yang follow me kat twitter, if you feels like UNFOLLOWing me after this, be my guess.
i tak kisah. i tak pakse uols follow i. i jek yang suke follow orang.
and to those yang added me as your friend in FB (to kpop friends), jeongmal mianhae if lepas ni (actually dah lame start dah) i banyak post pasal crap stuff and jrock/visual kei stuff kat wall uols.
jangan tergezut suda yek.
uols ignore jek i atau un-friend dengan i.
*waahhhh sedey nye. i hope uols tak un-friend ngan i.*
if uols still with me, [means tak UN-FRIEND and tak UNFOLLOW i]
jangan la senyap jek.
please TALK TO ME.
because i paling benci when someone ignoring me.
and i'm afraid of being ALONE.
actually, past few days ni, my emotions is so mixed up.
i'm feeling so emo.
i nangis jek all night. (i banyak nangis pasal GUY tu.)
and i takut i akan hilang kawan lepas ni.
LEPAS I'M BACK TO WHOM I WAS BEFORE KPOP.


i rase ni entry i yang paling panjang.
or maybe not. 
i tak ingat dah.
TAPI, I MINTAK MAAF, SORRY, MIANHAE, GOMENASAI TO UOLS SEBAB I TOTALLY CAN'T TAKE THIS BURDEN ANYMORE.
now i'm just a regular music liker to kpop.
or maybe after this i'll be totally out of kpop.
WE'LL SEE. ONLY TIME WOULD TELL.

by the way, boley tak uols call me RISA pas ni. ^w^
it's taken from my real name just i changed Z to S. Riza cam dah biase sangat and ramai orang pakai.
i suke yang less people use. ohoy~!!
and lagi satu.
ok, memang banyak stuff pasal kpop esp FTIsland dalam blog i nih.
maybe there will be some changes.
and there will be stuff yang i takkan tukar. just let it be.
again, I DON'T HATE KPOP. I JUST LIKE IT LESS THAN BEFORE.
KPOP IS NOT SOMETHING I LOATHE.
SO PLEASE, DON'T BASH ME.
xoxo

editzzz

aku baru jek pas edit blog. lagipon nak up date sekali. mesti nak tau apesal nama g g ek? name tu datang setelah aku bagai nak gile pikir name baru untuk blog aku ni. sebabnye sekarang ni tengah gila tengok gg. menatang ape pulak gg tu? jeng jeng jeng... gg singkatan untuk gossip girl. alah citer drama yang aku dok citer kat entry aku yang lepas tu. sampai ringtone henpon aku pon aku cilok lagu opening citer tu. perghh.. punye kipas-susah-mati a.k.a. die hard fan lah aku nih. nak nak pulak minggu lepas aku telah meng-risiko-kan duit dalam akaun aku dengan membeli dvd citer gossip girl season one tatkala duit dah tinggal ciput pastu gaji lum dapat lagi. aku pulak dah tekad nak beli season 2 bile dapat gaji nanti. pulak tu aku cam dah ter-promise kat orang yang jual dvd tu yang aku akan beli lagi. haishh..

dalam minggu lepas gak aku terserempak ngan orang yang jual-jual tudung kat tesco extra cheras (yang asalnye dulu makro cheras). mase aku dok belek-belek selendang yang boleh tahan mahal harganya kat kiosk tu, aku terjumpe lah selendang yang di chop perkataan gossip girl. aku rase cam nak menjerit jek kat situ. aku cakap ngan diri aku, 'it's a steal!" tapi aku takdak niat nak curik lah. sebabnye aku jarang beli selendang kebelakangan ni. pulak tu ade tulis gossip girl. show feveret aku nih! aku pikir lebih 10 kali nak beli ke tak nak beli. last-last aku beli gak.. masuk ni dah dua kali aku pakai selendang tu.

akhir kata aku harap korang tak terkejut bile tengok tajuk blog aku dah lain. tajuk jek lain. yang lain still sama. aku pon still aku lagi.





sebenarnye aku nak letak name lain yang aku pikir nak cilok dari tagline bank tapi takot kene saman pulak nanti.