mood : i don't want to describe it
music : the GazettE - chizuru (thousand cranes) how perfect
minna...
can i asked you something? what if there's this one thing that you should let go but you just can't? i am struggling. struggling to let go. this pointless emotions i'm having but it's hard. no matter how hard i tried.
hi hi minna.. again.
well, i am searching for anyone who interested to buy this.
DESCRIPTION: ITEM: FT ISLAND OFFICIAL LIGHT STICK CONDITION : VERY MUCH ALIVE PRICE: RM70 *PRICE FIXED* METHOD: COD *CASH ON DELIVERY* LOCATION: KL
but if non-malaysian is interested and no malaysian pris wanna buy it, i'll consider to sell it through out the world. yes. it means i'll ship it any where. but the cost will be much higher than cod* the reason i wanna sold this cuz obviously, i am no longer a primadonna. i will not use this and i need money badly.
now there's one more. is anyone out there want this? i bought it cuz i thought it was cool but i never use it before. i just throw away the plastic cover. hahas. anyone? ;DD it will be on my selling items as well. just RM10 ^^/
TO WHOEVER READ THIS, PLEASE SPREAD THIS WONDERFUL NEWS. ESPECIALLY TO MALAYSIAN PRIS. FOR SURE THE BOYS WILL COME AGAIN ;D
wawa unnie mintak i jangan majuk lame-lame ngan mamat tuh...
ekceli i sendiri pon tak tau...
i nih majuk ka, marah ka, benci ka, apa ka kat mamat tu...
ntah la, ntah la, NTAH LA...
but there's one certain thing i am about him...
TAWAR HATI...
because he's unreachable even we were that close...
okeh! biaq i mai cerita sket...
i rase yang ni agak mengejutkan sket la...
time i pi airport ari tu...
memang la i starstruck jumpa dia depan mata...
sape tak kan? KAN?
i folow dari belakang sebab nampak dia lagi jelas...
pastu i pon dok jerit-jerit nama dia cam mak ilang anak...
i pi kejaq dia cam separuh mati kat situ...
orang depan belakang dok tolak-tolak...
yang depa ni pon dok jalan cepat sangat pasai pa?
kapal tebang tu tak terbang dulu lah!
dia tau hangpa suma artist...
ok. sambung balik.
i tenung wajah dia...
i tak tau samade dia perasan i ke tak..
perasan la kot sebab i perasan yang dia pandang kat i balik...
tapi ade satu benda yang buat i rase tak senang ati pastu.
memang menyentap!
expression muka dia.
i tak penah cerita kan?
camna rupa dia time tu?
langsung tak senyum. and muka ade sikit ekk...
LANGSUNG.
moment tu la yang duk melekat sampai la ni kat dalam pala otak nih.
i tak tau napa dia tak senyum...
muka masam cuka ja...
maybe penat. ye lah.. jalan sana, travel sini...
perform non-stop berturut-turut...
artist la katakan..
but that... THAT makes me wonder...
ape yang tak kena?
ok. maybe fan mesia a bit aggressive kot time tu...
tapi i abaikan ja sebab i pikir dia penat ja..
tapi... start dari situ...
titik permulaan yang buatkan i rase cam drifting away from him...
tapi time tu i tahan lagi..
i cakap kat diri i... tak pa, tak pa.. sikit ja...
dia femes... biasela lau dia tu ekk sikit...
ekceli mase dulu-sulu *yang tak bape nak dulu sangat la*
i dapat rase yang i and mamat tu cam ade psychic connection...
cam bodoh ja kan?
tapi tu yang i rasa...
cam i dapat rase ape yang dia rase, apa yang dia buat...
i ingat lagi i gila banyak tweet kat dia...
cam-cam i cerita kat dia..
bukan takat kasi perangsang ja
*encouragement ye.. bukan yang satu lagi tu~*
i cerita pasal apa jadik kat i time tu...
pasai kerja i..
pasai bos i pon ade cerita kat dia..
pasai music yangi suka dengaq...
i penah recommended him to listen to MCR...
i pon kasi la utube link lagu-lagu MCR i yang suka...
tup-tup i ade terbaca satu interview article pasai dia lepas tu yang dia suka dengaq MCR.
i pon terkejut. betui ka mamat nih?
dia baca tweet aku ka?
pastu lau dia tweet benda sedih, awal-awal lagi i akan bersedih dulu..
cam tetiba i jadik emo before dia tweet sad stuff.
cam weird kan?
ekceli banyak lagi... cerita yang bernyangkut-paut dengan action i pada hari ni when it comes to about him.
but i rase i cerita satu persatu...
kang fening pulak...
so sekarang...
dah lain...
seriously i rasa len sangat-sangat.
masuk tarikh ari ni dah lebih dua bulan i tak dengaq suara dia.
takat muka dia memang i ade tengok. hari-hari.
pasai kat dalam bilik i muka dia bersepah.
muka ja tak kasi kesan...
yang buat i sentap biasenya suara...
memang.
maybe i yang berubah kot...
perasaan i pada dia tak kekal... tak lama mane yang i sangke..
i ingatkan i can be forever in love ngan dia...
but that's not gonna happen...
i penah nangis tiap-tiap malam pasai benda ni..
sebab i takut... i akan kehilangan dia lau feelings i dah berubah...
i penah cakap kat dia secara tak direct iaitu pada gambar. alah uols pon wat gitu gak kan?
"one day, i will no longer in love with you. one day i will eventually leave you. but i don't want that ONE DAY to arrive. ever"
and that ONE DAY finally came... un-warned... unexpected... it was sooner than i thought...
and now i dah tau the reason why...
why i never listen to the band anymore...
i baru perasan *lol*
i nih peminat tegar rock music.
my definition of rock is upbeat, deep, heavy sounds of all the instruments...
guitar, rhythm guitar, bass, drums and of course vocals..
ok. seriously, before i kenal FTI, i kenal mamat tu jek...
uols perasan tak i tak sebut pon name dia...
bile research pasal dia baru tau dia nih ade band..
memula ingatkan band dia nih cam kpop group len...
ala dance sana dance sini...
seriously i tak berapa suka dance-dance kpop nih...
mase i memula dengaq dia nyanyi adelah lagu dari cerita yang dia dok belakon tuh.
tu la first time i dengaq dia nyanyi.
pasal band dia, memula i memang tak sangka.
sebab dedulu i tak minat korean music sebab i tau deyall dance, pop music.
i tak minat and tak suka pop music.
tapi i penah dengaq nama band nih dulu.
just tak sangka mamat tu singer band nih...
sebabnye i tak pandang pon korean music nih. jauh sekali nak dengaq.
so after i research pasal band dia, i start listen to their music.
i said, "not bad... not bad..."
and lelame hooked up... but it wasn't that long...
tapi one thing about me, i nih jenis yang takkan lekat lame kat sesuatu benda. lagi-lagi if benda tu i rase makin lame makin membosankan...
tu la yang i rase pasal band nih sekarang...
so the sparks and joy about this band i rase kejap jek.
sebab i realized, it does not fit to my "rock" standard.
memang bagus kat korea ade band. patut kene ade banyak lagi.
but.. but... i nak kan sesuatu yang lebih lagi. cam lagi ganas kot.... lagi hardcore.
sesuatu yang membuatkan my heart beat faster than usual.
sesuatu yang membuatkan i akan head bang sampai kepala leh tercabut.
sesuatu yang membuatkan i have an adrenalin pumping.
something like this....
i know... like what the fak man? what the fak?
tapi i lebih suke this kind of music...
and FTI doesn't reach this kind of stands?
ok. sorry if i offended you. moreover if people who reading this is a primadonna
but ni yang i nakkan...
dulu these stuff yang buat i happy.
lantaq pi la orang nak kata pa.
gila pa budak nih dengaq lagu-lagu camnih..
dok terhenjut-henjut cam tak betul...
pastu cam memuja-muja ja...
ok. part memuja tu tak de la.
but these keeps me ahead and moving forward.
i feel more energetic and active.
semangat. SEMANGAT tu penting.
lagu-lagu camnih i rase lebih bersemangat.
sambil dok goyang kepala, i rase lagi tenang.
pelik kan i nih?
and now i don't know if i ever wanted to listen the band... or rather listen to his voice.
hmm.... nengok... i cerita panjang lebar pasal mamat tuh lagi... orz
so... uols rase ape sebenarnye perasaan i?
majuk ka? marah ka? benci ka?
WARNING: YOU ALL JANGAN TERGEZUT BACE POST NI. I MEMANG NAK CONFESS.
TAGS: PEOPLE RELATED TO MY CONFESSIONS.
lame giler i tak datang sini.
bukan ape. lately, i memang sebok sesangat.
keje kat opis tu cam tak abis jek...
semak lak mate ni...
ok. like the title said, i nak confess.
*muka ketat*
i TELAH pon retire dari jadik kpop fangirl.
*ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh???????????*
ye ye. uols.
ape yang uols bace tadi terSANGAT-SANGAT lah betul.
*wae wae waeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee????????????*
this is because i dah kembali ke arah music yang selame ni i dok dengar.
selame SETAHUN i sumbatkan telinga i nih dengan lagu-lagu kpop.
uols tengok i nampak cam enjoys jek.
but the truth is, i don't.
i was struggling to make myself excepting kpop songs.
ade few songs yang i leh terima. but mostly NOT ACCEPTABLE.
most songs are from FT Island.
tu pon sebab diorang band. not group.
but honestly speaking like from the bottom of my heart, i began to loose faith in FT Island. I DON'T KNOW WHY AND I DON'T KNOW HOW. maybe sebab my heart was craving something more. maybe sebab my heart was screaming for something more.
dulu, i hanye listen to rock music.
yang jenis menjerit separuh mati sampai nak terkeluar anak tekak tu.
uols tau kan what type of rock music???
i akan dengar lagu-lagu pop bile bosan.
pastu i dengar balik lagu rock.
tapi dulu i dengar english rock.
MCR, Good Charlotte, Linkin Park, Evanescence, Simple Plan, Sum 41, Blink 182, Pretty Reckless and a lot more yang i dah lupe name-name dey all.
*cakap pasal MCR, sume lagu dey all i hafal.*
i dah lupe pon sebab dah setahun i tak dengar dey all.
i ni jenis pelupa. memang lah tersangat retard i nih.
oh ye. i pernah cakap yang i benci kpop and kpop nih ntah pape.
tapi i tak ingat kat ne and pada sape.
tapi i suke nengok drama korea. fufufu~
tuuuuuuuuuuuuu jek bab korea yang i suke selain fashion dey all.
bab music memang i 100% boh-layan.
tapi tu dulu. sekarang i dah boleh terima.
sikit jek lah. yang telinga ni kate ok, i dengar.
lau tak, sorry....
now i minat dengar jrock pulaks. especially visual kei.
dulu i tak suke visual kei. sebab i rase diorang cam freaks.
especially fashion they all.
but after i studied fashion, i found out that fashion is so various and wide and unique.
then i mula suke kat weird fashions like japanese street styles, lolitas, gothic lolitas.
dulu i dengar gak jrock but disebabkan source to listen jrock dulu tak de, so agak terbatas sikit acknowledgement i pasal jrock.
kat local radio mane ade orang putar lagu jrock?
only thru internet. dulu i mane lah ade internet-internet nih...
i dulu buta IT. satu hapa pon tak tau. computer pon tak de tau.
so dari kecik lagi i dengar english radio jek.
mane dengar radio malay...
*i cakap no class. hohoho~~ sorry..*
so sekarang nih i i found something i should like lame dulu.
nape lah kat mesia nih tak de radio khas bukak lagu jrock/visual kei?
erm... if uols tau ade, inform lah pade i.
leh kite sesame meriahkan jrock/visual kei scene and spazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz~~
fufufu~~
ok. uols ade bace yang i loose faith on FTIsland, right?
Actually, it's more like losing faith on him.
that guy yang i dok puja-puja separuh mati.
i tak moh citer why. uols nak tau, we can do private messages.
this is not something i want to talk publicly.
i dah penat dah pasal dia nih. TOTALLY BEATED.
one of my lovely sis kt FB ade tanye i pasal ni and i let it out.
but not all. sebab i tak sanggup.
nak citer pasal tu pon i dah rase sebak. TRULY APOLOGIZES FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. and i dah lame tak dengar lagu FTIsland.
like SERIOUSLY.
i langsung tak tau ape dah jadik kat dey all, langsung tak alert.
because right now i am catching up with WHAT I HAVE LEFT BEFORE I ENTERED KPOP WORLD. and there's a gathering for FT Island fans bulan ni. invitation from my dongsaeng, Jin Ah. I was attending it but now, i tarik diri. wae? I GOT MY OWN REASON. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH OTHER PRIS (or maybe? i dunno) BUT I DON'T THINK I'M SUITABLE TO BE IN THE CROWD. I DON'T BELONG THERE ANYMORE. I'M NOT A HARDCORE PRIMADONNA I USED TO. OR I THINK I WAS. I HOPE UOLS UNDERSTAND. I MINTAK MAAF BEBANYAK SEBAB BANYAK MENYUSAHKAN UOLS. BUT I THINK IT'S BETTER NOW THAN LATER.
DAKARA...
i nak apologizes kat sume kpop friends i esp kat FB and Twitter.
i tak nak tipu diri i yang i suke giler vavi kat kpop padahal, tak bape suke dah.
(ok maybe just few jek yang i suke but maybe not as before)
AND I TAK NAK TIPU KAT UOLS AND PRETEND WE CAN GET ALONG VERY WELL.
in terms of kpop that is.
i kenal ramai friends thru kpop.
that's one GREAT thing about kpop. i WONT deny it.
but this is somehow has becoming like a HUGE burden for me.
i can't split myself into two different person.
oh, ni Ija yang suke kpop. pastu ni Ija yang suke slain kpop. NO! and if uols cakap, why not mix it all together? i'm so so sorry my darlings. that's not gonna happen.
so pade uols yang follow me kat twitter, if you feels like UNFOLLOWing me after this, be my guess.
i tak kisah. i tak pakse uols follow i. i jek yang suke follow orang. and to those yang added me as your friend in FB (to kpop friends), jeongmal mianhae if lepas ni (actually dah lame start dah) i banyak post pasal crap stuff and jrock/visual kei stuff kat wall uols.
jangan tergezut suda yek.
uols ignore jek i atau un-friend dengan i.
*waahhhh sedey nye. i hope uols tak un-friend ngan i.*
if uols still with me, [means tak UN-FRIEND and tak UNFOLLOW i]
jangan la senyap jek.
please TALK TO ME.
because i paling benci when someone ignoring me. and i'm afraid of being ALONE.
actually, past few days ni, my emotions is so mixed up.
i'm feeling so emo.
i nangis jek all night. (i banyak nangis pasal GUY tu.)
and i takut i akan hilang kawan lepas ni. LEPAS I'M BACK TO WHOM I WAS BEFORE KPOP.
i rase ni entry i yang paling panjang. or maybe not. i tak ingat dah. TAPI, I MINTAK MAAF, SORRY, MIANHAE, GOMENASAI TO UOLS SEBAB I TOTALLY CAN'T TAKE THIS BURDEN ANYMORE.
now i'm just a regular music liker to kpop.
or maybe after this i'll be totally out of kpop.
WE'LL SEE. ONLY TIME WOULD TELL.
by the way, boley tak uols call me RISA pas ni. ^w^
it's taken from my real name just i changed Z to S. Riza cam dah biase sangat and ramai orang pakai.
i suke yang less people use. ohoy~!!
and lagi satu.
ok, memang banyak stuff pasal kpop esp FTIsland dalam blog i nih.
maybe there will be some changes.
and there will be stuff yang i takkan tukar. just let it be.
again, I DON'T HATE KPOP. I JUST LIKE IT LESS THAN BEFORE.
KPOP IS NOTSOMETHING I LOATHE.
SO PLEASE, DON'T BASH ME.
xoxo
Ok, despite that he's not replying my tweets. ╥ ╥
still, he's my namja chingu!! ♥♥♥
so during the middle of this year, my baby berlakon lagik^^
it's for KBS special movie.
i tak dpt tgk kat channel KBS sebab it's KBS 2TV.
yang ade kat Astro (ngok ngek) ni just KBS WORLD. >,<
so i terpakse tunggu sampai ade yang upload subbed video untuk drama baby i nih~~~ ;p
now, i just finished watching!
the title is NORIKO GOES TO SEOUL.
very touching story!
baby nangis, i pon nangis same!
so korang MUST, MESTI, HARUS, WAJIB tengok!!! XDD
here's the link to watch it ^^
OOOHHHHHHHHH YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
that's all i gotta say!
after all this time i'm adoring, loving, and all that fandoing of Kiki paid off after went to Korean Music Wave concert yesterday!
It was a crazeeeeeeeeeeeeeee day indeed!
i went with my dongsaeng pri Jin Ah around afternoon.
we went searching for our hubby's gifts first! ♥
i already bought mine long time ago.
it's skull printed t-shirt i saw at FOS Times Square!
i hope my precious gift safely handed to kiki >_<
i gotta say. this is my first time going to the concert.
and it's not going to be the last!
me and Jin Ah ♥
am I cute for Kiki? ♥
i'm a selca queen and kiki is my king ♥
peace bebeh! ^_^
people behind me before concert starts ∩__∩
i will definitely going to next FT Island concert!
at the concert they played five songs! » Hello Hello » Love Love Love » Bing Bing Bing » Bad Woman » I Hope
it was freaking asdfghjkl!@#$%^&* crazy!!!!!
although i was sitting at the free seating area, it still worth it!
seeing kiki perform live is like a dream comes true. AND IT HAS!!!!!
he was so FREAKING ASDFGHJKL!@#$%^&* GORGEOUS + HANDSOME + CUTE!!!!!!!!!!
oh, since my purpose was to see kiki, and yes, my eyes are mostly set on kiki. I JUST COULDN'T TAKE MY EYES OFF HIM!!!
when the emcees (which was local chinese radio announcer, a guy from Arirang TV and U-Kiss' Kevin & Dongho) screamed out first band to perform was FT ISLAND, i was screaming like crazy! IT WAS !@#$%^&* CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All the Primadonnas who's with me screamed out lungs out!!
To finally be able to see FT ISLAND perform was HEAVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was waving my PENTASTIC FLAG and LIGHTSTICK like crazy!
I don't care if people behind me got irritated.
I'm there to support my baby and i'm doing it PROUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S PRIMADONNA PROUD BABEEHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And the performance was EPIC!!!
I was sing-a-long crazily with others pris to all the song!
it was the PRIMADONNA MOMENT i won't ever forget!
these are some of the pics (KIKI PICS OF COURSE and some jae jin. fufu~~) i manage to capture last night.
during the stage interview, they been asked if they would come again to Malaysia.
and they said YES! oh baby JUST SAY YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and i'm definitely start saving again for their next SOLO CONCERT!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh, the emcees asked what Malaysian dishes they should try when they returned and we all screamed out some names.
ROTI CANAI was picked! fufufufu~~~~
kiki, come again, and i'll treat you more than just roti canai! ♥
right after they finished, me, Jin Ah and my new found friend, WawaJonghunie rushed to the airport!
OKAYYYYY~~~~ THIS IS THE CRAZY PART!!!!
it was Jin Ah's idea to go to the airport to sent them off since the boys will be leaving the country that same night.
no doubt what-so-ever, we left the stadium.
at that time, Teen Top was performing next.
but as TRUE YELLOW PRIMADONNA, we'll do what ever we could to support our TREASURES including sending them off to the airport!
it was crazy! not in the plan at all!
but i did! we all did!
we took KLIA EXPRESS from KL Sentral to KLIA and arrived around 9.30pm
we saw some U-Kiss fans waited there to sent them off too.
we thought we was too late or something because we didn't see anyone that related to FT Island or KMW there.
but we didn't give up! IT'S A TABOO FOR PRIMADONNA TO GIVE UP!
so we waited until around 11.30 until we heard screams at the entrance gate!
they have arrived!
so we are not late at all! in fact, we are the EARLIEST PRIMADONNAS TO ARRIVE IN KLIA!!!
first it was 4 Minutes. then Teen Top. Then IT WAS FT ISLAND!
we all waited near the boys' van. manager Song was out first. then KIKI! kiki? Kiki?
O! M! G! KIKI! IT'S KIKI! RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!!!
AM. I. DREAMING. OR. WHAT?!?!?!
I WAS SUPER STARSTRUCK AT THAT MOMENT, I STARTLED FOR A WHILE!
HE WAS SO FREAKING ASDFGHJKL!@#$%^&* HANDSOME UP CLOSE!!!!!
HE'S THE MAN OF MY DREAM, DEFINITELY!!!!!!!!!
i manage to took vid of him but it was bad quality cuz i was running.
all of them was walking really damn fast!!!
and HELL YEAH I SCREAMED OUT HIS NAME AS MANY AS I COULD!
he did turn to my side few times and his smirks was OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! >_<
i wanna took better pics but it's so difficult! but at least i did right??!!!
i saw him LIVE with my own EYES! it's ALL WORTH IT!
*oh, while i was tagging behind him, he was wearing tank top and crop pants. his arms was~~~ OH MY GOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can easily fallen into his arms right away! >_<
but that was the closest! THE CLOSEST I GOT TO HIM!
i gotta say, i'm am freaking PROUD of myself!
but still, it's not enough! I WANT MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i hope FT ISLAND return to MALAYSIA again. JEBAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we all need you guys here!
Jae Jin, Kiki and Minari at the check-in counter
Kiki getting his bag scanned ♥
[top] Jonghunnie (grey shirt + holding cap) and [below] Kiki entering boarding hall
i return home after that and arrived around 2pm.
it was the most CRAZIEST experience in my whole life!
and i don't mind REPEATING it again!!!
and yeah~ i finished almost RM200 yesterday buying merch and transporting to KLIA!
kwenchanah! it's all worth it! d∩_∩b
*but otosan said not to do this "idol-chasing' thing again at the airport. yeah, going to airport without his concern. demo, otosan, i just GOT TO~~ >-<