confession of a broken heart.

WARNING: YOU ALL JANGAN TERGEZUT BACE POST NI. I MEMANG NAK CONFESS.
TAGS: PEOPLE RELATED TO MY CONFESSIONS.


lame giler i tak datang sini.
bukan ape. lately, i memang sebok sesangat.
keje kat opis tu cam tak abis jek...
semak lak mate ni...
ok. like the title said, i nak confess.
*muka ketat*
i TELAH pon retire dari jadik kpop fangirl.
*ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh???????????*
ye ye. uols.
ape yang uols bace tadi terSANGAT-SANGAT lah betul.
*wae wae waeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee????????????*
this is because i dah kembali ke arah music yang selame ni i dok dengar.
selame SETAHUN i sumbatkan telinga i nih dengan lagu-lagu kpop.
uols tengok i nampak cam enjoys jek.
but the truth is, i don't.
i was struggling to make myself excepting kpop songs.
ade few songs yang i leh terima. but mostly NOT ACCEPTABLE.
most songs are from FT Island.
tu pon sebab diorang band. not group.
but honestly speaking like from the bottom of my heart, i began to loose faith in FT Island.
I DON'T KNOW WHY AND I DON'T KNOW HOW.
maybe sebab my heart was craving something more.
maybe sebab my heart was screaming for something more.
dulu, i hanye listen to rock music.
yang jenis menjerit separuh mati sampai nak terkeluar anak tekak tu.
uols tau kan what type of rock music???
i akan dengar lagu-lagu pop bile bosan.
pastu i dengar balik lagu rock.
tapi dulu i dengar english rock.
MCR, Good Charlotte, Linkin Park, Evanescence, Simple Plan, Sum 41, Blink 182, Pretty Reckless and a lot more yang i dah lupe name-name dey all.
*cakap pasal MCR, sume lagu dey all i hafal.*
i dah lupe pon sebab dah setahun i tak dengar dey all.
i ni jenis pelupa. memang lah tersangat retard i nih.
oh ye. i pernah cakap yang i benci kpop and kpop nih ntah pape.
tapi i tak ingat kat ne and pada sape.
tapi i suke nengok drama korea. fufufu~
tuuuuuuuuuuuuu jek bab korea yang i suke selain fashion dey all.
bab music memang i 100% boh-layan.
tapi tu dulu. sekarang i dah boleh terima.
sikit jek lah. yang telinga ni kate ok, i dengar.
lau tak, sorry....
now i minat dengar jrock pulaks. especially visual kei.
dulu i tak suke visual kei. sebab i rase diorang cam freaks.
especially fashion they all.
but after i studied fashion, i found out that fashion is so various and wide and unique.
then i mula suke kat weird fashions like japanese street styles, lolitas, gothic lolitas.
dulu i dengar gak jrock but disebabkan source to listen jrock dulu tak de, so agak terbatas sikit acknowledgement i pasal jrock.
kat local radio mane ade orang putar lagu jrock?
only thru internet. dulu i mane lah ade internet-internet nih...
i dulu buta IT. satu hapa pon tak tau. computer pon tak de tau.
so dari kecik lagi i dengar english radio jek.
mane dengar radio malay...
*i cakap no class. hohoho~~ sorry..*
so sekarang nih i i found something i should like lame dulu.
nape lah kat mesia nih tak de radio khas bukak lagu jrock/visual kei?
erm... if uols tau ade, inform lah pade i.
leh kite sesame meriahkan jrock/visual kei scene and spazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz~~
fufufu~~


ok. uols ade bace yang i loose faith on FTIsland, right?
Actually, it's more like losing faith on him.
that guy yang i dok puja-puja separuh mati.
i tak moh citer why. uols nak tau, we can do private messages.
this is not something i want to talk publicly.
i dah penat dah pasal dia nih. TOTALLY BEATED.
one of my lovely sis kt FB ade tanye i pasal ni and i let it out.
but not all. sebab i tak sanggup.
nak citer pasal tu pon i dah rase sebak.
TRULY APOLOGIZES FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.
and i dah lame tak dengar lagu FTIsland.
like SERIOUSLY.
i langsung tak tau ape dah jadik kat dey all, langsung tak alert.
because right now i am catching up with WHAT I HAVE LEFT BEFORE I ENTERED KPOP WORLD.
and there's a gathering for FT Island fans bulan ni.
invitation from my dongsaeng, Jin Ah.
I was attending it but now, i tarik diri.
wae?
I GOT MY OWN REASON. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH OTHER PRIS (or maybe? i dunno)
BUT I DON'T THINK I'M SUITABLE TO BE IN THE CROWD.
I DON'T BELONG THERE ANYMORE.
I'M NOT A HARDCORE PRIMADONNA I USED TO.
OR I THINK I WAS.
I HOPE UOLS UNDERSTAND. 
I MINTAK MAAF BEBANYAK SEBAB BANYAK MENYUSAHKAN UOLS.
BUT I THINK IT'S BETTER NOW THAN LATER.


DAKARA...
i nak apologizes kat sume kpop friends i esp kat FB and Twitter.
i tak nak tipu diri i yang i suke giler vavi kat kpop padahal, tak bape suke dah.
(ok maybe just few jek yang i suke but maybe not as before)
AND I TAK NAK TIPU KAT UOLS AND PRETEND WE CAN GET ALONG VERY WELL.
in terms of kpop that is.
i kenal ramai friends thru kpop.
that's one GREAT thing about kpop. i WONT deny it.
but this is somehow has becoming like a HUGE burden for me.
i can't split myself into two different person.
oh, ni Ija yang suke kpop. pastu ni Ija yang suke slain kpop.
NO!
and if uols cakap, why not mix it all together?
i'm so so sorry my darlings. that's not gonna happen.
so pade uols yang follow me kat twitter, if you feels like UNFOLLOWing me after this, be my guess.
i tak kisah. i tak pakse uols follow i. i jek yang suke follow orang.
and to those yang added me as your friend in FB (to kpop friends), jeongmal mianhae if lepas ni (actually dah lame start dah) i banyak post pasal crap stuff and jrock/visual kei stuff kat wall uols.
jangan tergezut suda yek.
uols ignore jek i atau un-friend dengan i.
*waahhhh sedey nye. i hope uols tak un-friend ngan i.*
if uols still with me, [means tak UN-FRIEND and tak UNFOLLOW i]
jangan la senyap jek.
please TALK TO ME.
because i paling benci when someone ignoring me.
and i'm afraid of being ALONE.
actually, past few days ni, my emotions is so mixed up.
i'm feeling so emo.
i nangis jek all night. (i banyak nangis pasal GUY tu.)
and i takut i akan hilang kawan lepas ni.
LEPAS I'M BACK TO WHOM I WAS BEFORE KPOP.


i rase ni entry i yang paling panjang.
or maybe not. 
i tak ingat dah.
TAPI, I MINTAK MAAF, SORRY, MIANHAE, GOMENASAI TO UOLS SEBAB I TOTALLY CAN'T TAKE THIS BURDEN ANYMORE.
now i'm just a regular music liker to kpop.
or maybe after this i'll be totally out of kpop.
WE'LL SEE. ONLY TIME WOULD TELL.

by the way, boley tak uols call me RISA pas ni. ^w^
it's taken from my real name just i changed Z to S. Riza cam dah biase sangat and ramai orang pakai.
i suke yang less people use. ohoy~!!
and lagi satu.
ok, memang banyak stuff pasal kpop esp FTIsland dalam blog i nih.
maybe there will be some changes.
and there will be stuff yang i takkan tukar. just let it be.
again, I DON'T HATE KPOP. I JUST LIKE IT LESS THAN BEFORE.
KPOP IS NOT SOMETHING I LOATHE.
SO PLEASE, DON'T BASH ME.
xoxo

my sunday's getaway

today, i tak tgk Kiki perform. yesterday jek.

cuz last night i sleepover kat umah bestie i, cik amy kat salak south.

pastu today kitorang pi Mid Valley.

and i beli selai baju and selai seluar.

uols nak tau, masuk ni dah empat helai clothes i beli dalam mase tiga hari.

TIGA HARI TAU!!

leh bankrap i pas ni.

i'm so so broke by the end of this month~!!! >,<

kononnye nak bayaq PTPTN bulan nih...

HAMPESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS~~~~~~~~~~~

no meaning lau dah duit tinggal parat idung. 

i nak bli album FT Island yang paling latest » Memory In FTIsland

*╥ ╥ yang album RETURN tu pon tak bli lagi....*

i dah download the digital album they all nih...

*secara SAH ye... no piracy~~~ (^_<)*

» CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD «

but they all said lau nak FT Island memang dalam music show [like MNet Countdown, Music Bank, Music Core & Inkigayo] kene wat legal downloads and buy the album that counts into the chart~^^

i dah tau few FB online kpop shop yang jual album yang akan di kira dalam carta ♥

but i can only buy next month after my paycheck.

skung i memang dah broke, bankrap cam MC Hammer.

tu pon sebab i beli FT Island light stick yang baru.

╥ ╥ light stick yang lame tu tmpat bateri nyer penutup dah ilang...

ngan bateri2 skali... i baru jek beli bateri tu ari konsert tuuuu~~~~ ╥ ╥ 

erm... nampaknye i kene wat money plan nih~!!!

barang yang i nak beli:-

» RETURN album

» MEMORY IN FTISLAND album

» LCD watch FT Island (considering)

» BAG

» MARY JANE

actually ade lagi tapi i dah lupe...

hikhikhik~~~

Daaaa~~ ♥♥♥

Lee Hong Ki, i memang tersangat-sangatlah sayang kat you tau~!! 

Jagiya berlakon lagi » Noriko Goes To Seoul

Ok, despite that he's not replying my tweets. ╥  ╥
still, he's my namja chingu!! ♥♥♥
so during the middle of this year, my baby berlakon lagik^^
it's for KBS special movie.
i tak dpt tgk kat channel KBS sebab it's KBS 2TV.
yang ade kat Astro (ngok ngek) ni just KBS WORLD. >,<
so i terpakse tunggu sampai ade yang upload subbed video untuk drama baby i nih~~~ ;p
now, i just finished watching!
the title is NORIKO GOES TO SEOUL.
very touching story!
baby nangis, i pon nangis same!
so korang MUST, MESTI, HARUS, WAJIB tengok!!! XDD
here's the link to watch it ^^

» CLICK HERE «

these are some of the pics of the show yang i nak share. ^______^

teaser poster ^^

Kim Min Ha sedang kusyuk practice ^_^

"Call me master~!!"

owhh~~!! my dream guitar~~!! 

please stop taking my pictures~~!! i'm not Lee Hong Ki y'kow~~!!

annyeonghaseyo~~!! jeoneun Kim Min Ha imnida ^^

Min Ha nak kuar dating ngan ahjumma~~??

aku nak lima juta won. bukan satu~~

err... len kali aku cas lebih sket yek.. nih tak bape nak cukup ah~~!!

air~~!! air~~!! tercekik dah nih~!!

yeboseyo, babe, i tgh busy ajar ahjumma nih nyanyik, i jumpe u kat umah yek~~

lagu ni saye tujukan khas wat chenta hari saye, my princess ai ♥

ermm... balik nanti nak makan ape yek?? lapo dah pewot nih~~

ape lah baby aku wat skung nih~~?? mesej aku tak balas2 lagik nih~~ pulak aku kene anta si ahjumma nih~~

baby nengok aku camnih mesti dia cair punyer~~!!

DISCLAIMER:-

» pics source taken from internet so credits to the uploader(s) ^^

» all the captions are self-made and had nothing to do with original content of the drama. well.. maybe one or two *no offence ;P*

Gotta say, memang rugi tak tengok cuz it's my KIKI~~!!! ♥♥♥

should i say more~~???

jalan citer memang daebak~~!!!

Kiki is the reason i'm alive ♥

KMWMaaysia2011 x FTIsland x CRAZY DAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OOOHHHHHHHHH YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
that's all i gotta say!
after all this time i'm adoring, loving, and all that fandoing of Kiki paid off after went to Korean Music Wave concert yesterday!
It was a crazeeeeeeeeeeeeeee day indeed!
i went with my dongsaeng pri Jin Ah around afternoon.
we went searching for our hubby's gifts first! ♥
i already bought mine long time ago.
it's skull printed t-shirt i saw at FOS Times Square!
i hope my precious gift safely handed to kiki >_<
i gotta say. this is my first time going to the concert.
and it's not going to be the last!

me and Jin Ah ♥

am I cute for Kiki? ♥

i'm a selca queen and kiki is my king ♥

peace bebeh! ^_^

people behind me before concert starts ∩__∩

i will definitely going to next FT Island concert!
at the concert  they played five songs!
» Hello Hello » Love Love Love » Bing Bing Bing » Bad Woman » I Hope
it was freaking asdfghjkl!@#$%^&* crazy!!!!!
although i was sitting at the free seating area, it still worth it!
seeing kiki perform live is like a dream comes true.
AND IT HAS!!!!!
he was so FREAKING ASDFGHJKL!@#$%^&* GORGEOUS + HANDSOME + CUTE!!!!!!!!!!
oh, since my purpose was to see kiki, and yes, my eyes are mostly set on kiki.
I JUST COULDN'T TAKE MY EYES OFF HIM!!!
when the emcees (which was local chinese radio announcer, a guy from Arirang TV and U-Kiss' Kevin & Dongho) screamed out first band to perform was FT ISLAND, i was screaming like crazy!
IT WAS !@#$%^&* CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All the Primadonnas who's with me screamed out lungs out!!
To finally be able to see FT ISLAND perform was HEAVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was waving my PENTASTIC FLAG and LIGHTSTICK like crazy!
I don't care if people behind me got irritated.
I'm there to support my baby and i'm doing it PROUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT'S PRIMADONNA PROUD BABEEHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And the performance was EPIC!!!
I was sing-a-long crazily with others pris to all the song!
it was the PRIMADONNA MOMENT i won't ever forget!
these are some of the pics (KIKI PICS OF COURSE and some jae jin. fufu~~) i manage to capture last night.

during the stage interview, they been asked if they would come again to Malaysia.

and they said YES! oh baby JUST SAY YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and i'm definitely start saving again for their next SOLO CONCERT!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh, the emcees asked what Malaysian dishes they should try when they returned and we all screamed out some names. 

ROTI CANAI was picked! fufufufu~~~~

kiki, come again, and i'll treat you more than just roti canai! ♥

right after they finished, me, Jin Ah and my new found friend, WawaJonghunie rushed to the airport!

OKAYYYYY~~~~ THIS IS THE CRAZY PART!!!!

it was Jin Ah's idea to go to the airport to sent them off since the boys will be leaving the country that same night.

no doubt what-so-ever, we left the stadium.

at that time, Teen Top was performing next.

but as TRUE YELLOW PRIMADONNA, we'll do what ever we could to support our TREASURES including sending them off to the airport!

it was crazy! not in the plan at all!

but i did! we all did!

we took KLIA EXPRESS from KL Sentral to KLIA and arrived around 9.30pm

we saw some U-Kiss fans waited there to sent them off too.

we thought we was too late or something because we didn't see anyone that related to FT Island or KMW there.

but we didn't give up! IT'S A TABOO FOR PRIMADONNA TO GIVE UP!

so we waited until around 11.30 until we heard screams at the entrance gate!

they have arrived!

so we are not late at all! in fact, we are the EARLIEST PRIMADONNAS TO ARRIVE IN KLIA!!!

first it was 4 Minutes. then Teen Top. Then IT WAS FT ISLAND!

we all waited near the boys' van. manager Song was out first. then KIKI! kiki? Kiki?

O! M! G! KIKI! IT'S KIKI! RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!!! 

AM. I. DREAMING. OR. WHAT?!?!?!

I WAS SUPER STARSTRUCK AT THAT MOMENT, I STARTLED FOR A WHILE!

HE WAS SO FREAKING ASDFGHJKL!@#$%^&* HANDSOME UP CLOSE!!!!! 

HE'S THE MAN OF MY DREAM, DEFINITELY!!!!!!!!!

i manage to took vid of him but it was bad quality cuz i was running.

all of them was walking really damn fast!!! 

and HELL YEAH I SCREAMED OUT HIS NAME AS MANY AS I COULD!

he did turn to my side few times and his smirks was OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! >_<

i wanna took better pics but it's so difficult! but at least i did right??!!! 

i saw him LIVE with my own EYES! it's ALL WORTH IT!

*oh, while i was tagging behind him, he was wearing tank top and crop pants. his arms was~~~ OH MY GOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can easily fallen into his arms right away! >_<

but that was the closest! THE CLOSEST I GOT TO HIM! 

i gotta say, i'm am freaking PROUD of myself!

but still, it's not enough! I WANT MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i hope FT ISLAND return to MALAYSIA again. JEBAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we all need you guys here!

Jae Jin, Kiki and Minari at the check-in counter

Kiki getting his bag scanned ♥

[top] Jonghunnie (grey shirt + holding cap) and [below] Kiki entering boarding hall

i return home after that and arrived around 2pm.

it was the most CRAZIEST experience in my whole life!

and i don't mind REPEATING it again!!!

and yeah~ i finished almost RM200 yesterday buying merch and transporting to KLIA!

kwenchanah! it's all worth it! d∩_∩b

*but otosan said not to do this "idol-chasing' thing again at the airport. yeah, going to airport without his concern. demo, otosan, i just GOT TO~~ >-<

FT ISLAND,

PLEASE COME AGAIN TO MALAYSIA.

WE, PRIMADONNAS, ALWAYS WELCOMING YOU HERE.

WE WANT YOU HERE!

WE ALL LOVE YOU.

WE ALL SUPPORT YOU.

I LOVE YOU.

FT ISLAND ROCKS!

FT ISLAND RULES!♥♥♥♥